The truth of the matter is, my eyelids are slowly drooping, and it is getting increasingly challenging to type the words in the right order.
The reason for this? A culmination of a three-hour exam, and a week of revising for said exam pretty much constantly, with short breaks to go into work and freak out about how I wasn’t revising enough. As it is, I set off on the train this afternoon feeling thoroughly nauseated at the prospect of sitting in a disused ballroom for three hours with absolutely no idea what to write. My brain begins to trick me into genuinely thinking I could go blank and not be able to pen one word. Before that I had spent the morning feeling equally nauseated at the notion that all the trains might stop running if it snowed so I wouldn’t get there on time.
I of course did get there on time (over an hour early), and equally predictably I remembered everything I’d revised and was absolutely fine. So why did I get myself in such a state? Why did I let myself become so ridiculously whiny about the most mundane insignificance?
Unsurprisingly, this is the tip of a very large iceberg. Other daily topics of hair-pulling include ‘When will I find the time to do everything?’ ‘Why hasn’t he text me?’ ‘What if I crash the car?’ (that last one is in my head continually as I drive, worryingly.) I spend so long paralysed with worry, I pretty much stop, and then I worry some more about not working hard enough. It is a vicious, needless circle. I know I’m not alone in letting all the little things build up into a great big worry foam-party, and I also know it can’t be healthy. One day one of us will get stabby over a broken nail or a Windows Error Message, and then we really will be in trouble.
My tiresome stresses were put into perspective today when I saw the photos from the Haiti Earthquake. Hundreds of thousands of people dead, dying, homeless, orphaned, starving. The suffering is beyond imaginable, and yet so very real. Sort of puts the insanity of the things we worry about into perspective.
I was going to recommend buying the glorious book Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff (hence the title to this blog), as it gives some great meditations to help you see your worries for what they really are and re-evaluate your life. It is a great read, but perhaps you could save up and buy that next week, and instead donate the money you would have spent to the Haiti Disaster Fund – there are loads of ways you can do this as this Times article illustrates.
Photo from Evil Erin‘s photostream.