5. Blog: Sleep Talkin’ Man

SONG: As You Sleep – Something Corporate. (You’ll see.)

Well, while technically I am keeping to the whole ‘one blog a day’ thing, it does feel like yonks since I last tapped my usual aggressive whimsy onto the screen, being that since my last blog – at around 12.20am yesterday and… well, now, I have been struck down by the scratchiest, slobberiest, snortiest cold I’ve ever had. It has been squatting in my feeble frame most unpleasantly, and has not taken heed of any of the obscenities I’ve thrown its way, and I happen to have a three hour job interview tomorrow. So. That should be fun.

Luckily, Wednesday is my massive slacking day on this blog where I don’t have to do any of the work. I’m just going to point you in the direction of a good, funny or utterly ridiculous blog that I cross my fingers you haven’t seen, as otherwise this post will be even more redundant than I had first imagined. As it’s Week One of this new regime, I’d thought I’d hit you with something that just keeps on giving.

Sleep Talkin’ Man

Sleep Talkin’ Man has been around a while, but I only heard about it on the train home from London earlier last year, reading The Metro (although I think statistically more people read the Metro than breathe on the train. It may be against the law to endure a ride on the Piccadilly Line without a copy.)

This amazing bloke says some of the most bizarre, hilarious and profound things ever, and invariably keeps his poor wife awake so often she is now seemingly more than accustomed to life in the small hours. Lesser people would clearly have offed him years ago in a sleep-deprived rage, but not Karen: she has instead done an extremely very good thing – she has shared these little sleep-masked snippets of genius with the world in her daily blog of his best offerings.

It is well worth scrolling back through as many months as your social life will allow you, but some of my favourite more recent offerings are:

“You tap-dancing hamsters. You rock my world, with your little blurry feet”. – December 22nd

“Oh for pity’s sake, man. It’s banana, banana, mushroom, banana, no apples! No apples! What the fuck are you playing at? Oh, Jesus!” – December 27th


“Power to the panda. Black and white ninja bears. Don’t give ’em no bamboo back-chat.” – November 30th

Basically, it’s things like this that make the world go around.


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